Title?? I Don't Really Know

Hello lovely people, I hope I y’all well. Ramdan bagi muna saff nak y lagi teyi

So I've been doing a lot of thinking lately and one of the questions that arose was, Lillian what's your goal in life??? And the answer is NONE! It is scary. I actually do things without really thinking deep as to what I want to come out of it. I looked through my life and realized that I've actually never wanted to be one thing. I've always seen the possibility of me being several things. Continue after the cut....


Naturally my flair has always been to sing and dance. I basically knew the word to both old and new songs. Although my voice wasn't all that but I was amazing at dancing, still am thou. At a very young age I knew how to salsa and oh how I loved the electric slide. But going to high school, I was a born journalist. I would participate in debates at school. My teachers will always tell me I have a sharp mouth and I love to argue plus I was good at it. I used to enjoy watching the news and day dream I will one day do the same. At one point I thought of becoming a beautician. I was good at braiding, nail art, massage just about anything that has to with beauty.
I went to school; got a passable job and I earn a living. I am able to pay my way. If I want something desperately I just need to save for it for a few months and I can buy it for myself (well aside from a house and a boat). I have a 'relatively' comfortable life but I don’t think I have big dreams. I don’t see myself having certain things.It doesn't mean I don’t have desires. I do. Like I wish I could actually go around and feed every Gambian. Like I wish I could have money to set up a charity and just educate and empower as many women as possible. I wish I could marry a wonderful man (I do have an amazing man in my life, I just need to marry him) someday, (laughs) and be happy with ten kids (my friends say I’m crazy when I say this thou).
I know or at least we all know that it is normal to have goals. They say it gives you a purpose for living. However for me it is different. It is becoming more and more apparent that I just live for today and when the tide of life comes it blows wherever it likes, I pick myself up and then re-strategize and continue to live my life. Surely there's something wrong with that. Surely one must have goals and strive to fulfill them as a test of one’s character. Is something wrong with me or am I just being too hard on myself?

Help!!!!!!!